“This morning, I was officially named the most ticklish person in the office. I love my work family."

“This morning, I was officially named the most ticklish person in the office. I love my work family."

"If you use a golf umbrella when it rains in Manhattan you best BELIEVE I'm going to sidle my wet butt next to you under there."

"If you use a golf umbrella when it rains in Manhattan you best BELIEVE I'm going to sidle my wet butt next to you under there."

"I've got a loft in Tribeca, which is great because I need a lot of space to house my art. For the past eleven years I've been collecting Vespas I find parked on the street."

"I've got a loft in Tribeca, which is great because I need a lot of space to house my art. For the past eleven years I've been collecting Vespas I find parked on the street."

"I wish I could lucid dream. I'd eat all of the Lactaid ice cream I can get my sticky little hands on."

"I wish I could lucid dream. I'd eat all of the Lactaid ice cream I can get my sticky little hands on."

"I don't remember much about my guitar teacher growing up. All I know is that he had long, curvy nails on one hand and he smelt like old Pogs."

"I don't remember much about my guitar teacher growing up. All I know is that he had long, curvy nails on one hand and he smelt like old Pogs."

"My dirtiest secret? I still use Napster."

"My dirtiest secret? I still use Napster."

"On bad days, I'll run the bath, grab an Edible Arrangement out of the fridge, and just soak out the tension."

"On bad days, I'll run the bath, grab an Edible Arrangement out of the fridge, and just soak out the tension."

"I can't really watch horror films. I have an overactive imagination so if I go to bed after watching a scary movie I end up staying awake all night writing sequels to it."

"I can't really watch horror films. I have an overactive imagination so if I go to bed after watching a scary movie I end up staying awake all night writing sequels to it."

"Compassion and empathy for others are the only things that will help us through these tough times caused by those stupid fucking asshole idiots."

"Compassion and empathy for others are the only things that will help us through these tough times caused by those stupid fucking asshole idiots."

"I work out everyday. I want my body to be hard. Plain and simple." 

"I work out everyday. I want my body to be hard. Plain and simple." 

"Ever since I saw 'The Boxtrolls,' I can't get enough of these bad boys."

"Ever since I saw 'The Boxtrolls,' I can't get enough of these bad boys."

"We climbed the rope today in P.E. Crazy thing was, once you got to the top,  you found out that you were actually climbing Coach Nelson's ponytail. He was up in the rafters the whole time! He'd laugh and give you a high five at the end. It was pretty cool."

"We climbed the rope today in P.E. Crazy thing was, once you got to the top,  you found out that you were actually climbing Coach Nelson's ponytail. He was up in the rafters the whole time! He'd laugh and give you a high five at the end. It was pretty cool."

"I used to swim in pools with a shirt on when I was a kid. Not because of weight stuff or anything. I just loved Polos."

"I used to swim in pools with a shirt on when I was a kid. Not because of weight stuff or anything. I just loved Polos."

"I love waking up early enough to catch the sun rise. It's this universal symbol of beginning and it can be very fulfilling to witness to it. Every morning, I sit on the side of my bed and watch my room turn golden as the sun's rays squirt into my room."

"I love waking up early enough to catch the sun rise. It's this universal symbol of beginning and it can be very fulfilling to witness to it. Every morning, I sit on the side of my bed and watch my room turn golden as the sun's rays squirt into my room."

"I'm a triple threat: I can sing, dance, and make wax replicas of celebrities."

"I'm a triple threat: I can sing, dance, and make wax replicas of celebrities."

"Everyday I go to a different dollar pizza place to try to find New York's best budget slice and I got to tell you, I don't feel good."

"Everyday I go to a different dollar pizza place to try to find New York's best budget slice and I got to tell you, I don't feel good."

"When you think about it, I've come a long way. I was born in a crab trap at Coney Island and was raised by a plastic bag and an empty bottle of Michelob Ultra. Now I'm a managing director at Salesforce. Life is such a wild ride!"

"When you think about it, I've come a long way. I was born in a crab trap at Coney Island and was raised by a plastic bag and an empty bottle of Michelob Ultra. Now I'm a managing director at Salesforce. Life is such a wild ride!"

"For six years, I was in the Special Forces. I've done things that you only see in video games. Oddly, mostly it's stuff you'd see in Crash Bandicoot." 

"For six years, I was in the Special Forces. I've done things that you only see in video games. Oddly, mostly it's stuff you'd see in Crash Bandicoot." 

"Is it weird? Sure. But I can't get a good nap in if I don't tip a Von Dutch hat over my peepers."

"Is it weird? Sure. But I can't get a good nap in if I don't tip a Von Dutch hat over my peepers."

"Literally, my parents landed, got in a taxi, drove to Times Scare, saw that it was closed, took a taxi back to the airport, and flew back home. We were supposed to spend Christmas in New York together but, you know, I get it.

"Literally, my parents landed, got in a taxi, drove to Times Scare, saw that it was closed, took a taxi back to the airport, and flew back home. We were supposed to spend Christmas in New York together but, you know, I get it.

"I lost my virginity in a Hudson News. It was such a beautiful moment between my partner and me, I can't help but stop in there for a minute or two when I travel just to reminisce. Also, they have a ton of great magazines." 

"I lost my virginity in a Hudson News. It was such a beautiful moment between my partner and me, I can't help but stop in there for a minute or two when I travel just to reminisce. Also, they have a ton of great magazines." 

"I was going to be my brother's best man at his wedding until I dunked on him during a Zog game last week. Honestly, it was worth it."

"I was going to be my brother's best man at his wedding until I dunked on him during a Zog game last week. Honestly, it was worth it."

"I've stopped flossing all together. Now I just use some of the keyboard cleaner I brought home from the office".

"I've stopped flossing all together. Now I just use some of the keyboard cleaner I brought home from the office".

"When I meditate, I have a mantra that I repeat to myself to keep me focused. I'm not supposed to tell you what it is but let's just say it sounds an awful lot like the Mighty Ducks's chant."

"When I meditate, I have a mantra that I repeat to myself to keep me focused. I'm not supposed to tell you what it is but let's just say it sounds an awful lot like the Mighty Ducks's chant."

"My first feature role was in 8 Mile, where I played Mom's Spaghetti. It was a real treat to work alongside Em and the toilet. Also, just to be clear, I'm not a banana."

"My first feature role was in 8 Mile, where I played Mom's Spaghetti. It was a real treat to work alongside Em and the toilet. Also, just to be clear, I'm not a banana."

"My husband and I met when we were thirteen in an arcade. So it was no surprise that Kevin, when he proposed to me, said, "Get over here!' He's so sweet."

"My husband and I met when we were thirteen in an arcade. So it was no surprise that Kevin, when he proposed to me, said, "Get over here!' He's so sweet."

"I'm convinced that I'd not only win American Ninja Warrior but I'd be fully capable, as a ninja, of being able to assassinate whoever I'm paid to."

"I'm convinced that I'd not only win American Ninja Warrior but I'd be fully capable, as a ninja, of being able to assassinate whoever I'm paid to."

"Adam and I have been working on a pilot for eighteen months now. It's about a family band that all play bass for a futuristic cult on Mars. Excuse me, my phone's ringing. Yeah, it's Hollywood."

"Adam and I have been working on a pilot for eighteen months now. It's about a family band that all play bass for a futuristic cult on Mars. Excuse me, my phone's ringing. Yeah, it's Hollywood."