“My son is the worst at hiding his weed. I don't understand how he can even begin to think what he's doing is discreet. First of all, he knows I don't want him smoking. He knows I don't want it in the house. He knows he's grounded if I find it but t…
“My friends tell me I have an incredible tolerance for pain. Whether or not that's true, I don't think they need to keep testing me on it. Last week I was riding an elevator with a co-worker. Everything was totally normal until he just stomps the cr…
“I'm originally from upstate, near Poughkeepsie. I grew up having a big backyard that bordered a forest that I'd play in all the time. Since moving to the city, I've been craving something outdoorsy like that. Somewhere where I can hike, fish, swim,…
“I've been smoking since I was sixteen. I thought it was sexy as hell. I still do. You don't quit sexy."
“I'm not a banana."
“Biking to work has totally changed my life. I'm exercising more, I'm seeing different parts of the city, it's just great. My four-year old daughter, on the other hand, hates it. I have a seat for her on the back and she just screams her head off fo…
“I've always been blessed with a nice voice. I'm not planning on pursuing it though. It's just a nice thing to do when you're out doing karaoke with friends or when you're having a piss. I like not having the pressure to have to do it all the time. …
“Sometimes I'll just kick back a hot cup of Tahini for lunch and call it a day. I've never been much of a big eater when I'm working. Dinner though, I'll take down a rack of lamb the size of Hollywood."
“Please don't tell my wife I'm here, okay?"
“I've been carrying ketchup on me since I was in the third grade. It's not because I like to put it on food or anything. Sometimes it's just handy to have a packet on you in case you need to fake a nosebleed. Whenever I'm in a bind at work or someth…
“I think my son is a pervert. He's always upstairs in his room, watching old game shows. I don't understand it. I don't know where he gets it but it bothers me and makes me sick."
“I used to bartend at this club in Vegas. It was a pretty sweet gig. Lot of celebrities would come through and all that. One night, Criss Angel came by, the dude from Mindfreak. He took a seat at the bar and we talked for a bit. Seemed like a nice g…
“I get hit hard with allergies every spring, which can be really bad for business. No one wants to get a haircut from a guy who's sniffling and coughing the whole time. I tried wearing one of those mouth cover mask things but I couldn't breathe well…
"I don't believe you can ever hug hard enough."
“I love walking this city. It's surprising, romantic...It's just New York City. What more can I say!"
“I was once the prettiest little thing you ever saw. Everyone loved me. I had my pick of the parties on weekends. I used to laugh with friends over coffee in my garden. When I went to the beach, handsome men would try to impress me by diving of…
“It's easy to be a celebrity in this city. No one really hassles you for autographs. You can kind of walk freely, which is really refreshing. One time in LA, I woke up and found someone in my hotel room trying to jar my sleeping breath."
“We're all out here for Gus' bachelor party weekend. We were just at Dallas BBQ doing a recovery brunch, but ended up getting fuckin' hammered. Now we're headed uptown to catch a show like Uncle Vanya or some shit."
"I was unpacking after my flight back from San Francisco and the inside of my bag reeked of Big Red gum. I have no idea how that could've happened. I haven't chewed Big Red in years and its been even longer since I've bought a pack. It didn't smell …
“I remember the old East Village, where you had to go to two separate stores if you wanted to get a tattoo and a novelty skull bong."
“Fuck you."
“People often stop me and ask where I buy my outfits. It's weird. I don't really think of myself as a fashion expert or a model or anything like that. I'm just me, you know?"
*dead*
“I've had a few different tag names over the years. 'C Meant', 'Grapes', 'Rude Rat', 'Rough N' Tough'. I'd usually practice on the shed in my backyard but haven't been allowed to ever since my mom found some of my weed taped to the cat."
“I'm not a banana, dude."
“He was the valedictorian, the all star quarterback, student body president, all of that. I was on a much different path. I usually spent my time outside of the classroom going to coffee shops and heckling folk singers. But then, one day at our loca…
“Little help?"
“Every once in awhile you have to just take a seat and breathe in the city. It's an incredible place. It's in constant motion, swirling with people going here and there. At times, it can seem overwhelming. But most of the time, it gives me a sense o…